Happiness
by alydhe
Summary: Post Advent. Cloud reminices about his inability to hold on to happiness. CloudxAeris with a dabbling of Zack.


**Happiness**  
**Wordcount:** 766  
**Summary:** Post Advent. Cloud reminices about his inability to hold on to happiness.

This was inspired by watching the special features disc of Advent. There was a part in there where they talked about how Cloud was afraid to be happy because he'd been helpless to stop it when he'd lost everything before and was afraid of it being the same now. It got me thinking and so this drabble popped out. Let me know what you honestly think but don't be too harsh, this is my first time writing for any of the Final Fantasy fandoms.

**_This story was written before I read the novel so Denzel's story is not canon._**

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After Zack and Aeris' deaths, he'd been convinced that he would never be happy again. He thanked every deity he knew that he'd been wrong.

He knew they weren't exactly a conventional family. Tifa is a dear friend from the town that had hated him, Marlene the adopted daughter of an old pal, and Denzel was an orphan he'd brought home after the boy attempted to pick his pocket. The members of AVALANCHE also had a habit of dropping in to stay for a few weeks before moving on and letting the next person move in. The street orphans always knew they were welcome for a warm bed and hot meal, several of them lived there on a semi-permanent basis. It was loud and cramped and he'd never felt so content.

For a while he'd been afraid to give in. Any other time in his life where he'd found even the tiniest amount of happiness it had always been ripped away, usually violently.

In Nibelheim his family had been treated with a sort of fond tolerance. His father had been everybody's friend with his big, muscular body and booming laugh. It was because he was so well loved that his scandalous marriage to a foreigner had been overlooked. But then dad had gotten sick. The doctor couldn't figure out what it was or how to cure it. He'd died an agonizingly slow death. The mysterious illness had been the last straw for an already suspicious and prejudiced village. They had accused his mother of murdering her own husband. The tolerance had ended there.

He'd come to Midgar with dreams of joining SOLDIER. He'd wanted to find glory and to make his mother proud. He'd wanted the villagers to look on his family with respect again. He'd failed because of a small allergy to mako.

Then he'd met Zack, a smart aleck SOLDIER with a love of teasing and way too much time on his hands. Zack had been his first friend and fiercely loyal. Any teasing he'd gotten because of his blond hair and delicate build was abruptly halted once Zack had gotten involved. It was Zack that had introduced him to the sword. The spiky haired private had spent months teaching him everything he knew.

He'd been riding on cloud nine after Zack introduced him to Sephiroth at the start of the Nibelheim mission. The fall back to Gaia had been swift and brutal after the General went insane and ruthlessly burned and slaughtered everything around him. He'd fought his former hero to save Tifa and Zack and avenge the village. He'd won, but the price of that victory had been astronomical. He couldn't count the times over the next few years that he'd wished he'd died from his wounds. At least then Hojo wouldn't have had any reason to be interested in him.

Five years. That was how long the mad scientist had had them. Five years of searing pain, constant grief, and limitless terror. But Zack had faired better than he had, and had gotten them out. They had tasted freedom for a scant 3 days before he was forced to watch his best friend cut down in a hail of bullets right in front of him.

But he had lived. He didn't recognize his own body anymore and his mind was a broken and confused mess but he had survived. And then he met a ray of hope. 

Though he hadn't realized it at the time, he had first been drawn to Aeris because she reminded him of Zack. She had that same mischievous energy and love for teasing. She had been a soothing balm on his tattered heart and he'd loved her for it.

Again it was ripped away by the man he'd spent his childhood worshiping. 

With that track record it wasn't really surprising that he hadn't trusted the good fortune and comfort he'd found after meteor. He'd been so convinced that it wouldn't last that he'd tried to distance himself in an effort to minimize the pain he'd feel when it all went away. It seemed he was justified for that when he'd contracted geostigma.

Thank goodness his team, both alive and dead, had such stubborn personalities. They had all held fast to the bonds they'd formed during their adventure two years prior and wouldn't let him run away. It had taken a while before the message had gotten through but he'd eventually gave in and returned to the fold.

Better than anyone he knew that happiness didn't last forever, but he was going to enjoy it as long as it did.


End file.
